I was talking to Reese the other day about a mini-revelation I had about Christmas saving and spending.
I got a word of encouragement from Vic over at Dad is Cheap on my OktoberFast post where he mentioned how ultimately YNAB could alleviate the need for spending fasts because it helps you refine your values and spend your money accordingly.
In my response to Vic, I wrote about how YNAB had helped me belatedly set aside money for Christmas for a handful of tiny humans in my life — something I value — and then immediately regretted it. Maybe regret is too strong of a word, but I regretted my response because in my quest to give physical/material gifts to the these tiny humans, I realized that I might be undermining a few things that are more important to me including their well-being.
We’re going to take the scenic route on this one, so hang on.
If you don’t know, I’m single and child-free, so the only person I have to keep alive every day is me. I share a living space, which helps me keep my basic costs low. Aside from my monthly obligations for debt, my money is my own. My favorite thing to do with my money is travel.
But one decision — setting aside money for Christmas gifts — made me question what I value. I’m the cousin and play auntie who gifts books and educational toys. Books have always and still do mean so much to me and I want that for every kid to whom I am connected.
But what I really want is to position myself financially so that when these kids go off to college, they can afford their books without costly student loans. I want to position myself so that if they’re a little short, I can help. They still might need a part-time job, but they won’t need to go into debt AND work five jobs like I did during one semester of college.
The other part of me started to think: if I never received another physical gift, I wouldn’t be sad. And if these aforementioned tiny humans never received another book from me specifically they might not be sad either. As far as I know, they all have what they need and probably more than they could ever want at this super young stage of life.
I personally love make up, nail polish, clothes and shoes because I like to play dress up and change my look. I also like stationery, journals and art supplies because they feed my creativity. While I might be happy to receive any of these things as gifts, I hate clutter. And when I have more than I can use, I reach a tipping point, and will get rid of everything that isn’t nailed down to get my balance back.
I came to the conclusion that while I know these gifts will be appreciated they also might be adding unnecessary clutter to the lives of the families of these tiny humans. I wouldn’t want them to add clutter to my life. That would make the gift feel like a burden.
So Ricks, hold up. Are you saying you didn’t get these babies any gifts?! Slow down. I’m going to get there.
My intention was to take the money I set aside and add more money this pay period, but then the question popped in my head: Why are you trying to spend so much?
As I told Reese, I realized that I wanted to spend more because I felt like the gifts had to equal some invisible standard that I had foolishly set for myself.
Given that I don’t have the added financially responsibility of keeping a whole extra human alive, I believed I should be able to do more. And if I had been a bit more wise with my money in the past, I could do more. But I haven’t been. That’s why we’re all here today.
For some unconscious reason, I believed that my gifts should reflect that I’m That Chick.
But then that would mean that the gift was about the giver and not the recipient. That was about me, not about the tiny humans. Shame on me. One lump of coal.
Though I wasn’t planning to use a credit card to buy my gifts, I was still planning to spend above my means. I was setting aside money in my budget in a way that a) was stretching me a little too far and b) didn’t reflect my values. Two lumps of coal.
The reality is I’m trying to pay off debt so that future me can help future them. I want to help them not only go off to college, but possibly go on their first international trips, buy their first homes or even start a business.
So, tiny humans the gifts will be small this year and maybe the next few years after that, but I will make it up on the back end. Promise.
P.S. Consider the Four Gifts Rule for Giving that I learned from this YouTube channel Do It on A Budget: Give something the person wants, something the person needs. Give something to wear and something to read.